Partners

It’s been a crazy week. Jane and Emily and I came to an agreement about our partnership!  The legal paperwork is still being drawn up but we outlined the key points together and shook hands on it.

flowers I got for Jane & Emily to celebrate our partnership!

Then, as if that wasn't exciting enough on its own....

I revamped my project proposal to reflect the new arrangement and I had my meeting with Ms. Dalrymple. Despite all the unfavourable things I've said about her in the past, I will say this - she does support a lot of worthy charities and seems genuinely to care about improving communities. She asked very good questions about the project (which I had answers for, thankfully). And….. she committed to be my core funder for the first two years!! It’s not enough to get started, but it’s a very big piece of the puzzle and will make it so much easier to approach others about funding. It’s a huge step forward! Huge.

There has been much celebrating going on.

I was walking to Alicia's earlier today, under blooming cherry blossoms, with a strong suspicion that I was in a dream. Have you ever been in a rut in life where you start to think 'okay, this is just what life is, I have to accept this'? And then when good things happen to you, you find yourself not believing them? Like, actually waking up each day thinking it will all melt away and revert back to 'normal' blah life?  That's where I am. Unable to believe these good things are not transitory blips. I'm trying to believe. It's a work in progress.

W is negotiating with me to see what level funder I will let him be for my program. I’m holding strong on keeping him out of it, though I’m not above using his contacts.

He's tricky though. I showed up at one of my volunteer shifts last week and Jane met me at the door, bouncing with excitement. She said a delivery of books had arrived unexpectedly. I said, 'great', and she took my arm and pulled me into the office where ten huge boxes full of kids books were stacked. My jaw dropped. She said there was no explanation and they had no idea who donated them.  I have a strong suspect in mind, one who denies knowing anything about it when asked, but sure smiles a lot when questioned.

I told Dad and Elizabeth about my project (actually Ms. Dalrymple mentioned it to them and so they asked) and while I don’t think they really get it, or don’t get why I would spend my time on it, Elizabeth did suggest I hold a fundraising party - with a Dr. Seuss theme. She got quite excited about the idea, and has been suggesting interesting possible venues, creative entertainment ideas. I think she might be launching herself on a new career of party planning, which is a perfect fit for her, actually. Lacy is encouraging me to let Elizabeth use her party and social network skills for good and I’m contemplating it. W and I crunched some numbers and think that a party with the right invitees could pull in a considerable start-up fund!

To celebrate all the positive developments, and to get me away from all the distractions here, W is taking me to Lyme for a few days. We've got a cabin near the beach rented and years of catching up to do. I will be blog-silent until I get back. Please amuse yourselves while I’m gone!

Coffee

W stayed the night last night. This morning he got up before me and went downstairs to make us coffee. Where he ran into my dad in the kitchen. I should note that, being the smart man he is, W got fully dressed before leaving my room. Apparently his encounter with my dad went like this:

W, probably blushing: Uh, good morning Mr. Elliot.

Dad, confused: Good morning.

W: Anne sent me in search of coffee.

Dad, sighing heavily: I keep trying to tell Anne that coffee is going to give her wrinkles. She needs to be drinking my anti-oxidant smoothie if she wants to look fresh.

W: Is is possible to make a coffee-flavoured version of your smoothie? That would be a big hit, I imagine.

Dad: That is an interesting idea.

Apparently Dad pulled out his blender and got to work and W was stuck there for half an hour while they tried different flavour combinations. W eventually returned with a brown, unappetizing looking smoothie that actually didn’t taste that bad.

 I now tease W that his next venture is going to be a version of the Juiceman with my dad as the spokesmodel.

Offer

I was going over my proposal with Jane this morning to get her feedback on the latest version and she made me an offer that nearly knocked me out of my seat.

She suggested that rather than start a new program from scratch, that I open a branch of their program back home, with me at the helm. That would mean that it would be part of their existing charity which would make grant applications more likely to succeed, and we could continue to share resources and knowledge. 

I told her I was flattered that they were willing to make this offer and I was about to say yes on the spot when she laughed and said she wouldn't let me answer today. She said it’s important that I take a day or two to think about it - see if I need the autonomy of my own organization or if I can work with them in theirs. They don’t want me to agree and then find out six months in that we have different ideas of where we’re going.

So I've been thinking about all the things I want to do with my program - ideas I want to explore, objectives I have. Based on my experience so far, I think Jane and Emily are both open to new ideas and aren't set in stone about things, but I'm drafting up a list of the things that are really key to me, and my wish list of things I may want to incorporate in the future. I'll go over this with them and see if we find any sticking points.

Fingers crossed!

Proof of the cherry blossoms exploding around town right now. So beautiful. So early.

Q&A #5

Q&A

You all apparently have many questions for W.

I haven’t told him about this blog yet, though I probably will one day - let him read it and see how his behaviour at the Lodge tortured me. Or not. 

But I did get some answers for you that I can share.

Q: W's use of 'half hope, half agony' in his email - is that a hint that he read this blog??

Ah, no. The half and half thing is something W and I used to say to each other back when we first dated - whenever one of us asked how the other was doing, the response was some variation of 'half x and half y". W was never satisfied with my single emotion answers, he wanted more, wanted nuance, wanted to better understand what was going on, so I started responding with fractional responses. Sometimes it was "half happy, a quarter annoyed at Beth, and a quarter anxious about the possibility of rain".  Yes, we were dorks.

Q1: Why didn't Wentworth come see me as soon as he got to Bath? He came to Bath just to see me, right?

A: I did ask him about this the night we finally got together. Here's the story. He had been in Bath for about an hour when he ran into his friends and went to the cafe where he ran into me. And then saw Will. And then his friends from Bath had told him that according to society gossip, Will and I were ‘close’. Which was confirmed when he saw me and Will at the concert. He explained how conflicted he was that night - wanting to tell me he still loved me but worried he was too late. After that he was undecided - he was convinced he couldn't compete with Will who had my family’s approval, and he felt sure I must hate him after how he treated me at the Lodge.


Q2: Was I in love with Wentworth the whole time?

A: Well, he is probably the reason all my other attempts at relationships failed - they paled in comparison to what W and I had - we connected so perfectly. But I wasn't sitting and pining after him for eight years. Maybe 2 years. Or 3 max.

When he showed up at the Lodge - reading back through the blog posts I can clearly see how much I was in denial. I wouldn't admit it but I hoped that we would see each other and fall back in love and so his icy demeanor hurt all the more. I tried to get used to the idea that it wasn't going to happen, that he and I had our chance and I blew it and that was it. But I kept harbouring hope - this tiny scrap of ‘maybe’ deep down inside. When I found out he and Louisa were not a thing, that little bit of hope exploded to fill every bit of me and I decided that I needed to try again with W - to risk rejection and more heartache, I couldn't go on without trying to have him by my side again. I wasn't sure how to go about it, and I certainly didn't blog about it, but it took up a lot of my brain space, trying to figure out how to make my move. Then he showed up in Bath…. And made the move for me.


Q3: What about Will?

A: Oh, Will. Now there is a tale. About a week ago, Elizabeth walked into Clara’s room before breakfast, to confirm the plans they had for the day. And she found Will hastily putting on his pants.

I know!

So, Clara has left. Rumour has it she is staying in one of Will’s apartments. Not sure if they’re serious about a relationship or just having a fling. I suspect Clara will be disappointed in the end, but who knows. Maybe it’s true love for both of them, you never know. My dad was a bit mopey for a few days, but someone gave him a new anti-wrinkle cream to try so he’s been distracted. He made a comment yesterday about Clara’s freckles (Dad loathes freckles), so I think he’s getting over her…. if the two of them even had a thing to begin with, something I prefer not to know the details of.

Elizabeth was angry at first, I think; having had hopes for Will twice now that have been disappointed. But she went on a date yesterday with a new guy in town, someone who seems to have most of The List criteria… so, fingers crossed? I don’t really know what’s going on with Beth, she won’t give me a serious answer when I ask questions about her personal life. If she ever does get engaged, I suspect we’ll all find out about it in the society pages first, me included.


Q What has W said about dating Louisa?

Louisa is a lovely person, but she’s so young, I was surprised when Wentworth seemed to be interested in her. He said he honestly didn't realize everyone thought they were so serious. They never officially went out on a date. They hung out a lot, but usually with other people – skiing with Rietta, dinner with the family, etc. He said there was one time - where he showed up at a restaurant expecting to meet a group of people for dinner and found only Louisa there. Looking back he realized she thought they were on a romantic date, he thought everyone had just bailed on dinner. There was one awkward kiss that Louisa planted on him after he drove her home from that dinner (she was pretty tipsy), but otherwise nothing actually happened between them, despite everyone’s idea that they were dating.

So, that should teach us all not to speculate about the relationships of others!

Family

One of my few regrets about my relationship with W is that I don’t have any family members I can look forward to introducing him to.

He has siblings who are all wonderful - warm and friendly and smart and funny. Sophy's delight on finding out W and I were together was so heart-warming! W cooked dinner for the Crofts and I and Sophy gave me a long hug when I arrived and kept smiling all night. Mr. Croft seemed confused about it, but once W reminded him that we had dated before, he shrugged and told W that 'however he had managed to get me, he was a lucky fellow'. 

In contrast, my family is so.... unwelcoming and so focused on their own stuff, it’s constantly embarrassing. Wentworth is rich and successful enough to meet Dad’s approval (not that it matters - nothing anyone says is keeping me from W this time), but Dad had to make remarks about the fact that W earned his money and position rather than having it as a birthright, which is - whatever, it’s Dad, it’s how he is. Wentworth is annoyed by it but now he knows that my Dad’s views are not mine and I live my life guided by my views, not my family’s. Being in company with my family is strange. W does his best to be friendly and charming and patient, Clara takes her cue from Elizabeth who is friendly but not overly so. And Dad values W mostly as someone new to listen to him talk about himself. W's furtive side glances at me whenever someone says something exceptionally stuck up or ridiculous makes it really hard not to burst out laughing.

W also has a large circle of good friends - and by good I mean, good people and good company. I really only have a few close friends these days - Lacy and Alicia, and some back in [place name redacted].

Speaking of friends, when W found out about Alicia’s investment problem, he immediately called his lawyer who wrote a threatening letter to Will’s company. The lawyer predicts the shares will be released in a week at most. Alicia of course loves W now, almost as much as I do. Fingers crossed for Alicia, she could use a change of luck!

W’s year off comes to an end in three months. He says his goal for the year was to spend time with friends and family and to recharge, find new inspiration. His previous start-ups are going well and he is itching to start something new. Lately he’s been saying he wants to take me away somewhere for a month or two - a cabin on a tropical beach or a house in a tiny French village.

I told him his timing was terrible.

Of course, I've been telling him about my non-profit project. He’s given me some great, practical advice on starting up a new venture. He also offered to fund it. 

It’s incredibly generous of him, and it may be that by rejecting his funding, I won’t be able to start, but… I don’t want to put that burden on our fledgling new relationship. I also want to find a stable funding source that is earned by the merit of my project - though I know those are rare and I’m probably being overly idealistic - but I have to try. I've got a meeting set with Ms. Dalrymple in early March to pitch it to her. With Jane and Emily’s help and W’s polish and business savvy, I’m confident I’ll get her on board and it will be so much more satisfying to do it this way.

So the plan for now is to stay in Bath, and at some point transition back home together. The future is a bit up in the air, but W is reaching out to his contacts in [place name redacted] to explore some ideas and see what opportunities there are. He likes the idea of being closer to his siblings. I asked if he minded picking up his life and moving across the country and he laughed and said his life was here already, all that was left in the other city were his books. 

Language

I thought you would all appreciate knowing that W is being very sweet in unexpected ways. For example, flowers keep arriving from him. They've been coming at the rate of two bouquets a day!

They are beautiful bouquets with one strange bit - they consist of all red roses with a single stem or sprig of some other plant that is labeled on the card. I was confused until a copy of ‘the language of flowers’ from 1885 appeared on my bed.

By order of arrival, it’s been this:

Purple lilac: first emotions of love

Carolina Jasmine: separation

Lemon geranium: unexpected meeting

Fool’s Parsley & yellow rose: silliness & jealousy

Hazel: reconciliation

Sorrel Wood: joy

And the last bouquet was a giant bundle of
Forget-me-nots: true love

Obviously I did the only thing I could. I responded today with a bouquet of lily of the valley (return of happiness) and a card with an invitation to a hotel I booked because… well because I’m living with my dad at the moment and W is staying with his sister and we could use some time alone.

Note: getting oddball flowers delivered is very hard - no idea how he did it! Where does one get hazel??

Additional note; Elizabeth awkwardly handed me the first bouquet after it arrived (having assumed it would be for her since I have never received flowers before). She didn't ask anything. But when the second bouquet arrived she asked who they were from. She seemed very relieved when I said W's name, although she then had to ask who W was.

Dog

Despite my blog content of late, I do have other things in my life besides man-drama.

I have to send W away every now and then so I can spend time with Jane and Emily and their organization. It's really important to me to meet their expectations, however much I want to just disappear into the sunset with W.

At the centre, one of the little boys I've been working with during my volunteer shifts is painfully shy. I've been trying to get him to practice reading aloud with me, but haven’t made much progress.

I made contact with a woman who has a beautiful golden retriever therapy dog and after some prep work and training today she brought the dog in to try my idea. We introduced the boy to the dog and he was thrilled. They ended up snuggled in a corner with the boy reading his favorite book to the patient and attentive dog and handler. It was sweet and wonderful - but most importantly - effective in getting the boy to open up. Jane was there and said she had a number of kids she thought this would be a great help for. I’m very pleased that I could find a way to help an award-winning program expand and improve!

Life is pretty awesome right now.