Distraction for the Day: Being an Adult

This describes so much of my life that it's kind of erie:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.ca/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html 

Link to comic here.

Piano Practice

Piano has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Starting with lessons when I was six, at Mom's insistence. At some point or other all 3 of us took music lessons, but I was the one who stuck with it. Something about piano just clicked for me.  I love the challenge of a new song, how hopeless and frustrating it is at first, but how I can chip away at it bit by bit and eventually I forget that I once found it hard.

I've missed it the past few years - working crazy hours doesn't leave much time for practicing.

I brought my keyboard with me to Mary's so I can get back into shape. I filmed a practice session last week - it's nothing spectacular so don't get excited, it's just a practice session!  The yellow bird is what Mom would put on my piano to supervise my practices when she wasn't able to. She always told me the little bird would tell her whether or not I did my best. It's been a piano practice tradition ever since.

I'm always interested in suggestions for new music - so let me know if you have any favorites you think I should learn!

Click here if the video doesn't display below.

Q&A #2

Q: Why has Dad not re-married?

A: Well, I can’t say I've ever asked him this - we don’t really have that kind of relationship - perhaps you've picked up on that? He has made passing references to the ‘sacrifice’ he’s made for us girls, which make me think that he thinks he has stayed single for the sake of his daughters, which is… strange, given how little he was involved in our upbringing.

He has a lot of standards for the people he associates with. Any perspective partner would have to be from a good family, would have to be decently wealthy (or at least from a family thought to be wealthy), she would have to be flawlessly beautiful and perpetually young. Any sign of aging and I’m pretty sure he would toss her overboard. Perhaps that’s the answer - Dad prefers to date because when the women get too old for him he can go for a younger model. This sounds harsh, I know, but Dad himself would admit it - he hates seeing old, haggard faces (those would be his words). He is actually quite good looking, he looks much younger than his 55 years (which he loves to be told), so there are usually younger women willing to be his arm candy at gala events and whatnot.


Q: The Crofts are of retirement age, but you dated Mrs. Croft’s brother Wentworth, what?

A: Ah, yes that would be confusing. Mr. Croft has retired early; he is in his early 50s. Sophy is younger than him, just turned 40, in fact. She has two brothers and Wentworth is the younger one at 32. I know Wentworth was closer to his brother than his sister, though I think that’s mostly because Sophy was traveling, rather than the age gap.


Q: What is my worst fault?

A: This is a very introspective question to ask - way to be deep, Internet. I wonder what others would say my worst fault is. That’s probably a better way to find the answer.

I feel like others might say my worst fault is that I am overly serious - Dad and Beth would certainly say that. But I cling tightly to my level-headedness, even against all their disapproval. I think plain, sensible people are all too rare in the world. I wish I knew a magic trick for turning vain, silly people into serious, rational ones.

I would say my worst fault is being too soft. I hate to see broken things - injured birds, heritage buildings being demolished, beautiful objects broken. I wish I could dial down the caring more, be less sensitive. It doesn’t seem to serve any purpose, to be this sensitive, except to cause me pain and heartache.

Tea

This local cafe won me over with their tea selection.

Definitely go for the Captain Hammer, am I right?

Morning Walks

Mary and I have been out for our morning walks two days in a row! Okay, it’s not a huge accomplishment yet, but let’s celebrate baby steps, let’s celebrate starting something! Besides, if you knew how much effort it takes to get Mary going, you’d make a big deal of two outings too.

Here’s how it went today:

Me, forcing myself to be chipper when I really just want to go back to my warm armchair and book: Come on Mary, it’s almost 9, let’s go. It’s beautiful out!

Mary, emerging from the bathroom, finally: Beautiful? It’s grey and dreary like it is every day.

Me: Well, it’s not raining, and it’s not freezing cold, so I call that beautiful. Where do you want to go today? Any photo ideas?

Mary, walking very slowly downstairs: I don’t know if outdoor photography is really my thing.

Me: But you were so enthusiastic about it last year - every walk we went on you were saying you wished you had a proper camera.

Mary: Did I? I don’t remember. Well, if Charles had gotten the right camera, maybe - no, I just don’t think it’s a good use of my skills to be wandering out in the woods, fussing with camera settings, worrying about lighting. You know, I took a great portrait of Charles a few months ago and sent it to his mother and she never said anything about it! And it was a very good portrait. I shouldn't be surprised, the Musgroves can’t appreciate good art, don’t have the education - you know.

Me, pulling Mary away from the living room towards the vestibule: Come out for a walk with me then, leave the camera if you prefer. I’m determined to have a daily morning walk, I would love your company.

Mary, frowning: Oh, Anne, you’re so demanding! You know, you shouldn’t always be thinking about what’s most convenient for you. I wonder if this is why you’re still single - men don’t like demanding women, you know.

Me, biting my tongue very hard, and handing Mary her coat: uh huh.

Mary: I wonder if Charles has any single friends we could set you up with while you’re here. It’s a bit embarrassing that you’re still single. And a mystery too, I mean just your surname alone should mean you have men lined up wanting to marry you.

Me, hastily putting on my coat and hat: I’m not sure I want to be in a relationship with someone who is only interested in the family legacy.

Mary: Yes, true, you have to find someone who is of equal stature - they should respect the family name rather than be in awe of it. Awe implies inferior standing. Still, if you wait too much longer then all you’ll have to pick from are divorced men - oh god, what if they have children? Stepchildren, can you imagine?

I managed to get Mary over this horrifying thought and out the door. Our walk was kind of short, Mary insisted on talking about men and dating and who she might set me up with and my patience ran out after half an hour. Not sure about tomorrow's walk, to be honest.

Sick Days

I think I may be starting to understand Mary’s tendency to believe herself to be unwell all the time. Her life has been structured so that she is kind of unnecessary. They have staff to look after their son, staff to clean, the staff at the main lodge will prepare meals for them if wanted. The only reason for Mary to get up and do something is because she is motivated to do it. And it can be hard to be self-motivated all the time. Being sick excuses you, in a sense. You are allowed to stay in bed, or watch tv, or read a book all day long and no one judges you.

When I was working, every day the decision was made for me about what I would do; I would go to work. Weekends meant doing all the life-stuff that I neglected while working, plus whatever fun or relaxation I could fit in. It was exhausting, but on the other hand, kind of liberating - fewer decisions to make. Now that I have all this free time, I understand Mary better. She has never been a self-starter. I remember having to drag her with me when I went to do stuff as a kid - trips to the bookstore or playground; she would go, but only if someone made her. And if you didn't make her do something, she would complain about being bored. Now there is no one to make her. On some level, I think she feels bad for not doing anything, so she goes for the sick excuse. Maybe she’s been doing that so long she’s convinced herself of her ailments. I don't know. Writing it out I feel bad, maybe Mary has a chronic issue that just hasn't been diagnosed, maybe I shouldn't judge.

I’m trying to convince her to join me on my daily walk, to get into a routine. I suggested she take the fancy camera Charles got her for her birthday and we could do photo walks. Tomorrow will be day one; let’s see how it goes.

Alone in the Woods

One of the things I love about being out here is the access to nature - it is so immediate and I've been taking advantage of it to go for frequent walks. I went for a walk today along one of the many trails. It’s so easy to think that you are the only person left in the world when you are out in the woods - so much so that I had a scare when I turned a corner and nearly walked into someone! Just someone from a nearby chalet going for a walk like me, nothing actually scary. Goes to show how in the clouds my head is when I walk.

I came back from the walk energized - which is the kind of thing I hear about but doesn't usually happen to me - and made some great progress mapping out some specifics for my literacy program. I've got a possible core program laid out with future expansions, I've sketched out the funding needs - I feel like I’m getting somewhere. Still a lot of research to do, but, it’s been a good day!  My old professor connected me with her colleague in early childhood development and I've got a deadline to submit a program summary to her for comments - that's excellent motivation. 

My nephew is pulling on my arm now so productivity for the moment is at an end; it is apparently time to play!