Sunday, January 25, 2015


Lacy and I met for tea today at my favourite cafe and I found out that she had been at Ms. Dalrymple's dinner the other night, along with Will. She reported that she and Will talked about me a great deal.

Lacy: Will was sad to miss you at the dinner on Friday but was delighted by the fact that you snubbed Ms. Dalrymple to visit a sick friend. He admired your compassion and agreed with me that you are the finest of women-

Me: Lacy! You did not say that!

Lacy: Sure I did. And he said much more, agreeing that you were a rare example of someone with status, morals, manners, and wit.

Me: This is too much. Please tell me you’re joking.

Lacy: I’m afraid you must suffer under the knowledge that Will and I agree that you are an excellent person.

I blushed at this, as I always do whenever someone makes a fuss over me, but I have to admit hearing such high opinions of me created all the warm fuzzy feelings that I’m sure Lacy intended to create.

Lacy: I am no match-maker, as you know, but I will point out that if Will should ask you out at some point, it would seem to be a very good match - and I would wager a happy one.

Me, laughing at her seriousness: Will is very nice and in many ways I think highly of him, but we would not do well together.

Lacy, ignoring me: I admit to also liking the idea of seeing you with someone of means. You’re so like your mother and I know you could do good things, as she did, in a position that provided you with the opportunity.

Lacy clearly had Will and I married to each other in her imagination, and probably living in my family home while Dad stayed in Bath! For a moment, while she was speaking, I was attracted to the idea. (I should take care to note that Will and I are not related by blood even though we share a surname). Picturing myself back home and finding ways to use Will’s family wealth to do good in the world… and I wouldn't even have to argue about keeping my name.

But, the happy picture faded away quickly.

My heart is - well, forget my heart - Will doesn't quite pass my judgment. I've known the guy for a month and don’t feel like I really know him at all, not really. He is more sensible than many people here, and he’s charming and good to talk to, and seems to have a good sense of right… but I distrust this image of him. References he’s made to the past make it clear he wasn't always as responsible and upstanding as he is now. Perhaps he has changed for the better, or perhaps this is a phase. He is not an open person - I see only what he wants me to see - he is always very measured and controlled in all his reactions, where are the unplanned bursts of feeling? I find it hard to trust in the sincerity of people who never slip up and reveal their true feelings. While it probably sounds weird, I think he is suspiciously charming. Everyone finds him charming - my Dad and Elizabeth, and everyone else…. How is it possible that so many very different people can all be pleased by him? He is able to bend and shape himself to be pleasing to everyone, which makes me think I don’t see the real him anymore than anyone else does. He and I have spoken rather openly about Clara’s presence in the house and the potential badness of Dad’s connection with her - he sees as plainly as I do what she is up to and he views her with contempt, yet she finds him as pleasing as everyone else.

No. Will is fun to be around, but something about him doesn't sit right with me.  Maybe with time I'll change my mind though. Lacy is certainly advocating hard for him!


  1. I don't know - based on what Lacy says, I'm starting to like this Will guy.

    1. He's not bad looking either. Does that help? lol