Secrets

Will was at the house this morning, meeting with Dad, and happened to catch me as I was leaving for a walk, so he joined me. We were having a good chat about books as I try to convince him to read more classics - last time he attempted it was in high school and I told him that's a terrible introduction to a great selection of writing. We ended up down by the water until the cold wind drove us into a cafe to thaw out. He was very funny, recounting conversations he overheard at the Dalrymple New Year’s party.

Will: I was looking for you and noticed you disappeared just before midnight. Did your dress turn back into a pumpkin?

Me: Hardly. I was assisting a young lady who was…. feeling unwell.

Will: You spent midnight on New Year’s Eve with a drunk socialite?

Me: Didn’t you?

Will, laughing: Yes, yes, you have a point.

Interesting to know that Will was looking for me just before midnight - I understand from Clara that Elizabeth got his midnight kiss, though she had to seek him out to make it happen.

Before you get any ideas: I view Will as a harmless flirt. I enjoy our conversations, I enjoy the ego boost he gives me by being so interested in my conversation, and I really enjoy his witty responses, but I’m not foolish enough to think he means anything by any of it. Poor Elizabeth, on the other hand, seems to be trying to read something into his every look.

I tried to ask Elizabeth once about why she dated so little and she told me about her List - the list of qualities that a man had to have before she would consider dating him. It was very comprehensive, covering everything from family background, social standing, wealth, job prospects, fashion sense, and facial symmetry. I tried to gently suggest that it was possible there were no men that met all those criteria, but she laughed and said there certainly were, they just didn't live where we did so they were harder to connect with.

If I were to play psychoanalyst for a moment, I would say that Elizabeth had created in her head the ideal man and was using him as an excuse to never risk her heart with anyone. I wonder why though. I mean, I know what it’s like to love and have your heart broken and while I haven’t had a lot of success finding love again, I have tried. I didn't lock myself away. As far as I know Elizabeth has never been in love before. Sure, she was keen on Will all those years ago, but I think that was more her in love with how perfectly suitable he was, more than being in love with him. But maybe I’m wrong. After all, she doesn't really know about the love of my life, my heartbreak; stands to reason I wouldn't know about hers either.

I wonder how many secrets there are among all us Elliots.