Agitated

I was out for coffee today with Will, Beth, and Clara when it started to rain quite hard. Beth insisted on a cab to get home without getting wet. Due to complicated maneuvering, we ended up with a plan for Beth and Clara to catch a ride with Ms. Darlymple who was also around. I would walk home with Will; much to my relief (I prefer to avoid Ms. Dalrymple).

This had just been decided when I looked out the window and saw Wentworth walking down the sidewalk. The surprise of seeing him made me lose track of what was going on at my table, as I watched him cross the street. I admit to being flustered just at the sight of him and hating myself for it. Next thing you know I’ll be fainting in the street. When I did return my attention to our table, I saw that Will had popped next door to get something while we waited for Ms. Dalrymple’s car to be brought around.

I had a sudden urge to go to the door and see how hard it was raining. You’re probably thinking I could see that from the window, but I wanted to see it from the door, sue me. I got up to do that and almost walked right into Wentworth and the group of people he was with as they walked into the cafe. He seemed more confused and surprised at the sight of me than I have ever seen him - for once I seemed to have my feelings under control more than he did! Of course, this is only because I was able to have my mini-freak out at the table a few minutes earlier. Still, on seeing him in front of me, a flurry of emotions filled me up; agitation, pain, pleasure - something between delight and misery. Is that over-dramatic? Maybe, but it’s the best way I can explain it.

He said something ordinary to me - it wasn't cold as much as embarrassed, then turned to speak with his friends, who went to get a table at the back of the cafe. When they were settled, he turned back to me and made polite conversation.

The conversation wasn't remarkable, but he was. At the Lodge we had gotten used to being together and had perfected the art of speaking to each other of nothing with apparent indifference… but he couldn't do it now. Something had changed. He looked good, not ill or as though he had been pining after the loss of Louisa. In fact, he even spoke of the Lodge and Louisa without batting an eye. But this Wentworth was not comfortable and wasn't able to fake being comfortable.

Someone entered the shop to say that Ms. Dalrympe's car had arrived for Miss. Elliot. Elizabeth and Clara made their way to the door.

Wentworth: Sorry, I’m keeping you from your ride.

Me: Oh, no, I’m not going with them. The car only has space for two and I like to walk.

Wentworth, confused: But it’s raining.

Me: Not very hard. I don’t mind.

Wentworth, after a pause: Even though I've just arrived, I've equipped myself for the climate. Use my umbrella, if you’re determined to walk. Though I wish you would let me call you a cab.

Me: No, really, it will stop raining in a minute. I'm waiting for a friend who's going to walk with me.

I had just said these words when Will showed up. Based on his expression, it seemed that Wentworth remembered Will from Lyme.

Will was all apologies for keeping me waiting and he nodded to Wentworth as he took my arm and hurried me out as the rain had stopped and he wasn't sure how long for.

 I only had time to give Wentworth a quick apologetic smile over my shoulder as I left with Will.

Normally I quite enjoy Will’s conversation, but the only way he could have made me happy at that moment was to be silent and leave me with my thoughts as we walked. I was trying to puzzle out Wentworth. Was he suffering from disappointment from the end of his relationship with Louisa? I had to know. I knew I should stay out of it, shouldn't think of it. I should be reasonable and realize it had nothing to do with me. The status of Wentworth's heart is not my concern anymore. But I admit that I am not reasonable yet. I need to know. I need to know how long he plans to be in town - do I have to ready myself for the possibility that he may bump into my family? That is a horrifying thought. Does this post make any sense?  I haven't been able to have a coherent thought all afternoon.