Cold

It was a lovely day. I walked over to the lodge this afternoon. I was going to see if Louisa wanted to go for a walk, or if she was busy to spend some time practicing piano at the lodge. As I was crossing the driveway, a car pulled up and parked. It was Wentworth. He paused at his car, then shut the door and walked towards me. He couldn’t avoid me since we were both walking to the front door.

Wentworth: Hello.

Me: Hi.

We walked, quickly, towards the front entrance of the Lodge.

Me, struggling to keep up with his long strides: Visiting Louisa?

Wentworth, after a long pause: Yes.

We reached the door at this point, so I rang the bell and let us in, as is customary. We waited in the vestibule for a minute in awkward silence. He busied himself with taking off his gloves and undoing his jacket, studiously not looking at me. It was an intense few minutes – being in the same room as someone I was on the verge of sharing my entire life with and now we were unable to even look at each other. It felt like there was an electric fence between us.

Our solitude was broken when Louisa bounded in, all smiles, as usual.

Louisa: Hi! Oh, both of you are here! Hi Anne!

Me: Hi. Sorry to surprise you, I came to see if you wanted to go for a walk.

Louisa: Oh, that’s a nice idea; it is lovely out, isn’t it? But I already planned to go for a drive with Wentworth to visit [town name redacted] - didn’t I tell you? Do you want to join us? It’s going to be so much fun!

Me, hazarding a glance at Wentworth and seeing his face carefully turned away from me: No, no, you guys go ahead. I told Mary I wouldn’t be long, she’s expecting me to look after my nephew for a bit this afternoon.

I excused myself and ran away. Went for a walk in the woods by myself. Walked until my limbs were numb with cold. Wishing I could as easily numb the rest of me.